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Rising From the Ashes: How Self-Mastery Saved My Life

by | Jul 8, 2023 | BadAss MILF Series, Divorce and Life After, Life in General, Self Love

Unlock your power to create new habits and gain self-confidence. Learn how nothing is permanent and why mastering yourself leads to a newfound sense of freedom.

My name is Jen, and I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery and growth over these past several years. I’ve evolved into many roles: a single parent & successful co-parent, a published author, blogger, savvy solopreneur, boss-lady, and leader, a transformational life coach, girlfriend, and an all-around badass (if I do say so myself!).

If you have known me for a long time, you might remember the many stages and phases I have gone through in life. I have experienced being single, married, and divorced. I’ve been pregnant, overweight, too skinny, depressed, happy, rich, poor, and everything in between. But now, I am proud to say that I have emerged as a new and improved version of myself, equipped with confidence and determination to take on the world. And those experiences helped mold me into who I am today and I couldn’t be more proud. 

People often ask me what my secret is, and I wish it were as simple as sipping on a magical potion brewed by a mystical witch, especially when I identify as one. Wink. Wink.

I often refer to myself as “Old Jen” and “New Jen”. 

Old Jen was insecure in so many ways. She felt ugly, and unintelligent, and did not feel comfortable in her own skin. She felt she was never enough compared to other moms and women & wives. Old Jen worried about what others thought about her. Even though I knew I was a great mother, I still sought external validation from others on the only ability I felt confident in. I was a people pleaser with little self-worth with absolutely zero boundaries which left me feeling hurt, betrayed, empty, and alone. Old Jen chased after people who only drained her mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically. 

I speak of “old Jen” in the third person because she no longer exists. 

Now there is New Jen. I feel absolutely amazing and beautiful from the inside out. I have firm boundaries and could care less about what others think of me. While I can be helpful, I am far from people-pleasing because I am not afraid to say no anymore. I finally know my worth; and I am the gatekeeper of who is allowed in my life and who isn’t. I know that I am highly intelligent and anyone who tries to make me feel otherwise is only battling themselves as they try to put me down to feel better. I pray for those people. I have a high level of self-awareness. I am able to take responsibility for what’s mine and leave the rest to whom it belongs to.

   

I used to be weighed down by my past, but I’m finally free. It’s time to make the most out of today and look toward the future with excitement. 

Although my past won’t go away, I’m better able to accept it now. Through it all, I have learned invaluable life lessons. I’d say the most formative was accepting that some events are out of my control and that there is immense strength and power in acceptance. There is also peace.

 

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
 Shannon L. Alder

 

Here’s what I’ve learned: the only way to truly move forward is to let go of the past, embrace the present and let go of trying to control situations and outcomes. AND FOR GOD’S SAKE, FACE THOSE DEMONS AND HEAL PAST WOUNDS!!!! Our trauma is not our fault, but it is 100% our responsibility to heal it and no amount of time or apologies from others is going to do that. It is an inside job. 

I didn’t drink a magic potion…..but this is what I did do. I invested in myself. 

I have been in and out of therapy most of my life but I wasn’t consistent until my early 40’s. I would go a couple of months or suffer through the mandatory court-appointed therapists with our family social worker. (more on that in my book, click here) But when I didn’t see results fast enough or when it felt too uncomfortable, or any other excuse I could come up with, I stopped going. 

Sitting in my stunning 5000 sq ft waterfront home with my three wonderful children, who mean everything to me, I made a life-changing decision. Despite my luxurious possessions, I was unhappy due to my failing marriage and my lingering resentment towards my mother’s past mistakes, now a devoted and affectionate grandmother. My thoughts of suicide were becoming increasingly common, but the thought of my children suffering the consequences of their mother’s actions prevented me from trying. I couldn’t bear the thought of them traumatized and needing therapy because of my tragic decision.

That is when I committed myself to intense therapy and eventually life coaching. I promised myself that this time I was going to stay in it and really let it do its work. And so I did.

That was 8 years ago. It’s been a game-changer, letting go of old wounds and embracing each moment as it passes by. Now, I feel free from the weight of the past and fully present in the now. It’s a life-changing feeling that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I admit, it was a challenging journey. Many people give up when faced with difficulties, and they often have all the answers for others but not themselves. I recall attending therapy sessions as long as three hours, leaving me drained and exhausted by the end of the day. My therapist assured me that it was all part of the healing process as we delved deep into my old wounds.

Despite feeling worse on some days, I persevered, trusting that things would get better. Eventually, I did feel lighter and happier – and most importantly, like myself again for the first time in a while. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

The past events in my life are a crucial part of who I am today, but they do not define me. I have grown wiser and more mature through them, and I am grateful for the lessons they have taught me.

Instead of dwelling on what could have been, I choose to focus on what I can do now to create a better future for myself. Every step I take is a chance to build a better life for myself and those around me.

By being mindful of my innermost motivations, I can make choices that align with my values and lead me to happiness and fulfillment. My past may have shaped me, but it does not define me- that is up to me, and I am ready to create the life I deserve.

By piecing together all the parts of my past, I have become a stronger and wiser version of myself. I am motivated by my journey, and I want to inspire others to embrace their past and continue growing into the best version of themselves.

I understand that my thoughts, beliefs, and actions are all interconnected and reflect my inner self, as with everyone. 

For example:

  • When we stay in an unhealthy relationship knowing it’s never going to change, but we justify staying, inevitably causing more pain. 
  • When we lash out and hurt someone we love because of our personal struggles and inner demons.
  • Or when we adopt unhealthy and toxic habits to soothe our inner pain and justify them by blaming others

While new Jen would never tolerate the abuse I endured, I take my past with me, lessons learned and all. I don’t deny them or make excuses for them; instead, I choose to forgive myself for the mistakes I made in the past and I forgive others who have hurt me. 

Yet I still honor the old me. For example, no matter how difficult it was during my low points of life, she never gave up even when she thought about it. She kept me safe as best she could with what tools she had at her disposal. She has brought me to where I am today and I owe her that much. Looking ahead to my future experiences is a way for me to extend appreciation toward my old self as well as allow new opportunities to present themselves.

I accept that I am worthy of love and success even if I had a difficult beginning. Regardless of what is behind me, today is a fresh day and I am determined to enjoy each precious moment.

I live focused on the future and spend my time planning the next steps to live a life without regrets. I am finally free to live for myself.

Today, I am excited about the road that lies ahead. I allow myself the freedom to pursue new experiences with confidence knowing that there are boundless opportunities ahead of me. 

Life is full of opportunities to start anew. Nothing is permanent, not even your current self. This means that you have the power to reinvent yourself whenever and however you want into something more amazing. You have the power to rise again, like a mythical Phoenix emerging from the ashes, no matter what life throws your way.

You have the ability to change your mindset, learn new skills, and break free from the limiting beliefs that hold you back. By choosing habits that align with your intrinsic happiness, you can create a life that brings you joy and fulfillment.

If someone or something is dragging you down, you have the power to cut ties and surround yourself with positivity

Ultimately, the key to self-mastery starts with awareness followed by making a decision, taking bold action, and never looking back- building the confidence to face whatever challenges come your way. The possibilities are endless, and the path to self-transformation is yours for the taking.

Wanna learn more? Check out my ebook library here or download my new book on Amazon here

 

Ready to really level up your life?

Invest in 1:1 coaching with me here.

 

Self-Reflection Journaling Prompts:

  1.   Am I holding onto things from the past that are preventing me from moving forward?
  2.   What and who do I talk about with others? 
  3.   What language do I use about others and myself, both internally and externally?
  4.   What can I do right now that tomorrow me will thank me for?
  5.   What can I forgive myself for? What can I forgive others for?

 

Hello!

I am Jen,

As a dedicated life coach specializing in co-parenting, divorce, and single motherhood, I bring a unique blend of professional expertise and personal experience to my coaching practice. I am deeply committed to helping women not only survive divorce but also thrive as they transition into their roles as single mothers. I provide tailored coaching to assist my clients in developing effective co-parenting strategies, fostering healthy communication, and creating nurturing environments for their children.

I am also the author of the best-selling book “I am Amazing: From Invisible to Invincible”. My self-help memoir offers hope and inspiration for anyone who has felt overwhelmed by life and their struggles with mental health. With raw honesty and vulnerability, I provide an intimate look at my journey from victim to victorious.

 

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